Hungry, hungry hippos

The hippos eat BALLS Mom!!

Smelly Boy!

Once upon a time there were two sister princesses. Their names were Clara and Cher. They lived on a castle; the castle had a tower and an escape slide, and two beds. It also had two round windows so that they princesses could look outside.

The princess sisters saw a boy coming to the castle with his boy smell. He wanted to make them a...ll smelly. And then they ran away, but he chased them. They kept on running and he kept on chasing. He followed them all over the kingdom and then back into the castle. He has put his boy smell in a sprayer and was spraying everyone with his boy smell. The boy even got baby T the smiling princess with his smell.

Then princess Cher made a good smelling potion and she rescued the kingdom and made everyone smell like girls again.

Vintage!!

Dad: Xxxxx stop making the holes in your knees bigger. Actually we are about to throw those jeans away.
Child: But Daddy you can't they're vintage!
Dad: You don't even know what vintage means.
Child:  Yes I do. It's a fashion word.
Dad Ok what does it mean?
Child: I don't know

Hidden talents

Mom: Xxxxx you need up stop whining and complaining. We don't allow either of those in this house.
Child: Are you sure? I knew about the whining but I thought complaining was okay.
Mom: Nope complaining is against the rules too.
Child: I'm pretty sure you never told me that.
Me: I'm pretty sure I did.

Child: Well I don't think that should be a rule.
Mom: Why not?
Child: Because I like complaining and I'm really good at it.

P-nut love

Sing to the tune of "You are my Sunshine"

I am your P-nut, your P-nut princess. My teeth are shiney and very clean. You'll never know dear how much I love you. But I'll always know how much you love me.

Vegas is in the building

Ok, fess up. Who taught my girls how to play craps.... They are in their room playing "pony dice" if you get a 2 or a 7 you win all of your sisters ponies. If you get it twice in a row you win all the money in their piggy bank too.

Yup, I don't tan.

Child: I'm like two of the princesses. Ariel and Snow White.
Mom: Why?
Child: Because they don't have blond hair like me, but they have no color in their skin. Like me, and you too.

Commercial influence

Mommy, you love to wear peeejamas and jeans. You really need the Pajama jeans like on TV. And they're on sale they should the 80 dollars but they're $40.

Angry Birds

Mommy do you know what I wish? I wish my play phone was a real phone like yours so that I could play Angry Birds. Yeah, I wish that every noon when I go to sleep.

Past or present tense

Mommy you can call me Dude or Did.

Spa Date

Child: Mommy I miss you. I haven't had enough Mommy time.
Mom: Ok we will plan a special time.
Child: I have an idea. You could just take me out of school early or not even send me to school at all. Then we could go get our nails painted or go shopping or to a restaurant or all of them.

Hookers

Child 1: Look Mommy I have a hooker in my purse.
Dad: You have a what?
Child 1: A hooker.
Child 2: I have one too. Except her hooker will only go down and mine will bend over backwards and then go down.

Creation Story

"In the beginning God created the Earth, and he liked to sing while he worked....
Ring around the Rosey, Pocka full de posies, Ashes Ashes dhey all fall down."

Working together.

"Mommy let's play CandyLand. I'll set it up, draw for you, and move your piece."